Lately...

I know there aren't many people who read this, but for some reason it's easier for me to write here than in my journal that I bought many months ago. Up till today it only has two pages filled...

Lately I have been having problems sleeping. I am nervous throughout the day. It starts around 6:30 am and lasts until I fall asleep praying.

Lately I have not been as alert anymore. I went to the park with my dog yesterday without grabbing the key. Now for some people this might be normal, but not for me. Every single time I walk out the door I ask myself 'Do you have your keys?' and every single time before I shut the door I look for them. Since last week I had many times that I didn't ask myself but I was lucky enough and had packed them, but not yesterday... After this happening in the morning I almost repeated it in the afternoon.

Lately I have been too anxious to eat much. I often feel like I am about to walk on stage and perform in front of a huge crowd. That is my worst nightmare and it makes me nervous. Whenever I am nervous I am not hungry and this has been going on for a while now.

Lately I have felt that time is just speeding by and I am not anywhere close to being able to enjoy all the precious moments, days and weeks. I feel like I am sitting in a train, watching life pass by through the window.

Lately I have been longing to have my own family, but I seem so far away from that and it makes me so sad.

I sure hope some of these issues solve themselves. I am done with my bachelor thesis and am going to get it printed tomorrow so I can hand it in on Friday. I hope that takes some of the pressure. One more paper about Jane Elliotts Blue-Eyes Brown-Eyes training and I am done with college. Oh what a happy day that will be.

Let there be sunshine...

Today probably won't bring any sunshine, it is kind of cold outside, the clouds are keeping the blue sky away, there is a cold breeze, the birds are flying low, there is a chance of rain... but that doesn't mean there won't be any sunshine. I think we are able to place sunshine into our lives everyday of every month even during the stormiest and coldest times....

So today I will let the sunshine in. I will imagine it warming my face, my heart, my soul... I will let it take away all the sadness that is surrounding me at the moment, all my fears and troubles.

And even if it is just for one day, I will let the sun shine at its brightest...

The Angle...

It's interesting how two different angles can change something so dramatically. This is the pic I posted below. The lion looks calm but sad and the man carrying him/the burden looks exhausted. I like the colors in this picture and how light everything is. I like the dirt and the algae.


From this side it looks dark. They both look frightened. They are scared of drowning. I know how they are feeling all to well. I know it sucks. I wish I had someone who would carry me through the next couple of weeks.

I also hope I will be able to pick up my camera again and start taking more pictures soon.