I know there aren't many people who read this, but for some reason it's easier for me to write here than in my journal that I bought many months ago. Up till today it only has two pages filled...
Lately I have been having problems sleeping. I am nervous throughout the day. It starts around 6:30 am and lasts until I fall asleep praying.
Lately I have not been as alert anymore. I went to the park with my dog yesterday without grabbing the key. Now for some people this might be normal, but not for me. Every single time I walk out the door I ask myself 'Do you have your keys?' and every single time before I shut the door I look for them. Since last week I had many times that I didn't ask myself but I was lucky enough and had packed them, but not yesterday... After this happening in the morning I almost repeated it in the afternoon.
Lately I have been too anxious to eat much. I often feel like I am about to walk on stage and perform in front of a huge crowd. That is my worst nightmare and it makes me nervous. Whenever I am nervous I am not hungry and this has been going on for a while now.
Lately I have felt that time is just speeding by and I am not anywhere close to being able to enjoy all the precious moments, days and weeks. I feel like I am sitting in a train, watching life pass by through the window.
Lately I have been longing to have my own family, but I seem so far away from that and it makes me so sad.
I sure hope some of these issues solve themselves. I am done with my bachelor thesis and am going to get it printed tomorrow so I can hand it in on Friday. I hope that takes some of the pressure. One more paper about Jane Elliotts Blue-Eyes Brown-Eyes training and I am done with college. Oh what a happy day that will be.
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1 Kommentar:
My dear sweet Jessica, oh how I long to give you a big hug right now when I hear your cry threw the words you write! It makes me want to help and I don't know how to do so when your so many miles away! Hopefully soon you won't be and I can visit with you more! I KNOW the longing for a baby and when it doesn't come when you want it to! I tried to have my Alyese for 2 years before I had to have surgery to have her. I know that is not your case, but I know how it feels to so desparately want something that is not in your grasp yet! Remember it just means YET! You will find it.....just have faith, and the Lord will answer your inner calls/prayers! Love you, xoxox
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