Lately...

I know there aren't many people who read this, but for some reason it's easier for me to write here than in my journal that I bought many months ago. Up till today it only has two pages filled...

Lately I have been having problems sleeping. I am nervous throughout the day. It starts around 6:30 am and lasts until I fall asleep praying.

Lately I have not been as alert anymore. I went to the park with my dog yesterday without grabbing the key. Now for some people this might be normal, but not for me. Every single time I walk out the door I ask myself 'Do you have your keys?' and every single time before I shut the door I look for them. Since last week I had many times that I didn't ask myself but I was lucky enough and had packed them, but not yesterday... After this happening in the morning I almost repeated it in the afternoon.

Lately I have been too anxious to eat much. I often feel like I am about to walk on stage and perform in front of a huge crowd. That is my worst nightmare and it makes me nervous. Whenever I am nervous I am not hungry and this has been going on for a while now.

Lately I have felt that time is just speeding by and I am not anywhere close to being able to enjoy all the precious moments, days and weeks. I feel like I am sitting in a train, watching life pass by through the window.

Lately I have been longing to have my own family, but I seem so far away from that and it makes me so sad.

I sure hope some of these issues solve themselves. I am done with my bachelor thesis and am going to get it printed tomorrow so I can hand it in on Friday. I hope that takes some of the pressure. One more paper about Jane Elliotts Blue-Eyes Brown-Eyes training and I am done with college. Oh what a happy day that will be.

Life on the slow lane...

..is my goal for the next weeks, months, perhaps years....

I need to take the speed out of my life, I need to relax, trust, enjoy and be aware... Life just seems to be passing me by. I feel like it should still be February or March and here I am and it's Juli. Where did time go? I mean really, where did it go, where did April, Mai, June and most of Juli go? What did I do the last couple of months that only felt like a few days...
I feel like I lost days, actually scratch that, I feel like I lost months and I can't seem to find them anywhere... This needs to end...I need to slow down... I need to take one day at a time and not a week at a time, life is too precious to let it speed by...
It seems like I spent the last months in a car on a highway, when I looked out of the window everything was blurry, I couldn't count my blessings because I just wasn't able to see them anymore, I missed one exit after another because I was speeding...

This is going to end right now. I am going to let Him lead me in His own pace. A pace that will be so much better for myself..