There are so many reasons...

...why I want to adopt a child with Down Syndrome..

Have you noticed something strange?

I have blogged for many days in a row, but that actually isn't true! I scheduled all these posts on November 24th when I was sitting at home and was bored out of my mind! It's the day before Thanksgiving but we are going to celebrating it on Saturday with some friends, it is almost midnight and I am not tired at all.. But I am done with scheduling posts for now...

Good Night...

Dirty feet....

Oh how I LOVE summer time.. I love when my feet are dirty because I can't remember the last time I wore real shoes.. Summers are way too short here in Germany. We get a couple of hot weeks and then the weather changes rapidly... I had a nice summer but my feet weren't dirty long enough... I wish the summer could return, just for a couple of weeks until I am really ready for winter and cold weather... Until I am ready for shoes...

Wedding..

In August I took pictures at my friends wedding. Funny enough it was me who actually encouraged them to marry. On Easter I talked to them and just said that they really needed to get married. They have have been dating for 7 years and it really was time for them to put a ring on that.. They never really thought about it, but a couple weeks later SHE proposed to him!
4 months later I got to take some pictures at their wedding..

The one between her arms is her husband!

Totally inapropriate but it makes me laugh!!

See I was there too!!!
And I enjoyed the best food I have EVER had in my life. Seriously!

This is me...

Oh man these pictures make me miss my long hair...

My Mind is Occupied

I am looking for a job. I am still in Germany as most people know by now. Anxiety, depression and stress aren't a good combination when you want to move from Germany to the US all by yourself.

It just didn't work. I couldn't make it happen.

I was a wreck, I might still be one every now and then. So in a couple of weeks I had to change plans. I had to move all my stuff back in with my parents. That is where I am now. I have started applying for jobs in October and have had many job interviews, only to find out that I wanted to continue applying. I really feel that I shouldn't take the first offer, but that I should search for a job that I will enjoy going to. I have had 3 offers but they didn't feel right. I have had 6 interviews so far, maybe more and I have written over 40 applications.
While I am doing that I am working at the International School Wiesbaden as a sub. It is so much fun to work with the kids, it gives me something to do when I am not writing applications and I can save up the money for when I have to move again. Plus I have something on my resume that has to do with my college degree.
I got my bachelor in September in educational science and sciende of religion. My grade is a 1,7 which I am more than happy with. But I am dont with college. There is no energy left to do my master and I am fine with that. I can't wait to find work, a new place to live and start something new.
So if anyone knows about an open position as a "Pädagogin" feel free to contact me! ;) I want to go into the "Jugendhilfe". Next week I have an interview at a shelter for teen moms. I am looking forward to that.
I know some people were wondering where I was and what is going on in my life. I hope this is enough of an update. I just don't feel like writing about my feelings and thoughts at the moment.

The one thing I am actually enjoying at the moment is all the time i have to read books. I have read more books in the last 8 weeks than some people read in a life time! :)
Right now I am reading the 3rd part of Stieg Larrsons books, I have enjoyed Arne Dahl, Jussi Adler-Olsen and many more. I am lookign forward to the cronicles of narnia and lord of the rings!

Out of Focus....

See that big tire? That is probably what I should be focussing on. I should be focussing on the big picture.

...but I get caught up in between.. I always get stuck in the smaller things, those that aren't important and I have a problem letting go of those. I am working on it though but it sure is hard. I wish I was just able to let go of those and focus on what really matters.

Lazy days....

I love this pic that I snapped on the market in Marocco...
Just looking at him makes me smile. He is so carefree and looks peaceful... There is no stress or bustle... Only peace.... I wish I was like that.. He doesn't seem to be rich when it comes to material things, but he is happy...

Oh the smells

or might I dare say odors?








Marocco

Hourglass....

In other places the colors seemed to have faded, the walls are shabby and it looked like a lonely place to be...

Colors of Marocco...

in some ways everything seemed a lot brighter and more colorful in Marocco...

So close...

First of all I love the colors in this picture. The white sand in contrast to the green. But that's not all in this picture. You can actually see Afrika. Here I was near Tarifa, way in the south of Spain. Afrika is less than 20km away.. So close, yet so hard to reach.. Wish I could have gone there for longer than a day... One day I will come back..

Long way up

it seriously took more than 10 minutes to get up there

and a beautiful view...

Light

old but beautiful...

The shores of Marbella

Monkeys everywhere...

Gibraltar...

A different world...

where time stands still....

Marokko

Nothing to say..

but I can always share picture I guess!!


These are from a market in Marocco!!

Tschaikowski....

...changed me today.. I went to the movies by myself again today. (This is so gonna become a weekly habit, it is awesome!) I watched a french movie called 'The Concert' and I think everyone has to see it. The ending is phenomenal. I sat there crying because the concert was so touching.. I was the last person to sit in the theater and when I walked home at 11:50 pm I wasn't in a hurry like I normally am. I walked slowly, let other people pass me, I was able to take in the cold air, see some stars and the moon. Such a refreshing evening, such an inspirational movie... I can't get the music out of my ears.. The awesomeness of the evening isn't over! I actually own a CD with that concert on it and it is playing now, bringing me back to that cozy little movie theater...
What a wonderful evening..

Lately...

I know there aren't many people who read this, but for some reason it's easier for me to write here than in my journal that I bought many months ago. Up till today it only has two pages filled...

Lately I have been having problems sleeping. I am nervous throughout the day. It starts around 6:30 am and lasts until I fall asleep praying.

Lately I have not been as alert anymore. I went to the park with my dog yesterday without grabbing the key. Now for some people this might be normal, but not for me. Every single time I walk out the door I ask myself 'Do you have your keys?' and every single time before I shut the door I look for them. Since last week I had many times that I didn't ask myself but I was lucky enough and had packed them, but not yesterday... After this happening in the morning I almost repeated it in the afternoon.

Lately I have been too anxious to eat much. I often feel like I am about to walk on stage and perform in front of a huge crowd. That is my worst nightmare and it makes me nervous. Whenever I am nervous I am not hungry and this has been going on for a while now.

Lately I have felt that time is just speeding by and I am not anywhere close to being able to enjoy all the precious moments, days and weeks. I feel like I am sitting in a train, watching life pass by through the window.

Lately I have been longing to have my own family, but I seem so far away from that and it makes me so sad.

I sure hope some of these issues solve themselves. I am done with my bachelor thesis and am going to get it printed tomorrow so I can hand it in on Friday. I hope that takes some of the pressure. One more paper about Jane Elliotts Blue-Eyes Brown-Eyes training and I am done with college. Oh what a happy day that will be.

Are you gifted? Do you have a special talent?

I hear these questions every now and then! And then I can listen to people talk about their talents: I play the piano, I can dance or sing, I speak 5 different languages, I can cook, I am really good at math, I can play chess..... You get the idea. I have thought about my talents a bunch of times. What am I gifted at!? Well I am not bad at math, but I would never say that I am gifted with numbers.. I can't sing or dance, I don't speak many languages or play an instrument. Many times I have felt, that I am just not gifted at all. I even get jealous when I listen to people sing or play the piano or basically any other instrument...

I think I finally know what I am gifted at. I can take care of babies in a way many people can't because they are afraid to hurt them, aren't used to them or aren't as patient as they should be. I have always loved newborns, these miracles catch my attention and whenever I spot someone with a baby my heart makes a leap and I am happy. It has always been my dream to work somewhere, where I can be around newborns. I think God gave me this gift for a reason. I would love to make it my future job. I would love to become a Birth Doula, be there for women during childbirth and take care of moms and babies after birth, be a lactation consultant and stuff like that. I can't imagine a better job for myself. I think I would love going to work in the morning for the rest of my life.
I also believe I have this gift, because I was meant to be a mom, hopefully a mom to many children.

Life on the slow lane...

..is my goal for the next weeks, months, perhaps years....

I need to take the speed out of my life, I need to relax, trust, enjoy and be aware... Life just seems to be passing me by. I feel like it should still be February or March and here I am and it's Juli. Where did time go? I mean really, where did it go, where did April, Mai, June and most of Juli go? What did I do the last couple of months that only felt like a few days...
I feel like I lost days, actually scratch that, I feel like I lost months and I can't seem to find them anywhere... This needs to end...I need to slow down... I need to take one day at a time and not a week at a time, life is too precious to let it speed by...
It seems like I spent the last months in a car on a highway, when I looked out of the window everything was blurry, I couldn't count my blessings because I just wasn't able to see them anymore, I missed one exit after another because I was speeding...

This is going to end right now. I am going to let Him lead me in His own pace. A pace that will be so much better for myself..

Let there be sunshine...

Today probably won't bring any sunshine, it is kind of cold outside, the clouds are keeping the blue sky away, there is a cold breeze, the birds are flying low, there is a chance of rain... but that doesn't mean there won't be any sunshine. I think we are able to place sunshine into our lives everyday of every month even during the stormiest and coldest times....

So today I will let the sunshine in. I will imagine it warming my face, my heart, my soul... I will let it take away all the sadness that is surrounding me at the moment, all my fears and troubles.

And even if it is just for one day, I will let the sun shine at its brightest...

Thousands of lives might lead to nothing......

Jonathan Livingston Seagull (Richard Bach)

"Where is everybody, Sullivan?" he asked silently, quite at
home now withthe easy telepathy that these gulls used
instead of screes and gracks. "Why aren't there more of us
here? Why, where I came from there were.. "

"... thousands and thousands of gulls. I know. "
Sullivan shook his head.

"The only answer I can see, Jonathan, is that you are
pretty well  a one-in-a-million bird. Most of us came along
ever so slowly. We went  fromone world into another that
was almost exactly like it,  forgetting  rightaway where
we had come from, not caring where we were headed,  living
for the moment. Do you have any idea how many lives we must
have gone  through before we even got the first idea that
there is more to life than  eating, or fighting, or power
in the Flock? A thousand lives, Jon,  ten  thousand!
And then another hundred lives until we began to learn
that there is  such a thing as perfection, and another
hundred again to get the idea that  our purpose for living
is to find that perfection and show it forth. The  same rule
holds for us now, of course: we choose our next world through
what we learn in this one. Learn nothing, and the next world
is the same  as  thisone, all the same limitations and lead
weights to overcome."

He stretched his wings and turned to face the wind.
"But  you,  Jon," he said, "learned so much at one time
that youdidn't have to go through a thousand lives to
reach this one."


I love this book. Everyone should read it.
It's like The Little Princea MUST read...

Oh how I wish I was that seagull, that one who lived his
life likeno other... I wish I was like Jonathan, who wasn't
scared to trysomething new,to leave the flock and see the
world, fly loops, find himself despite all the other seagulls
who warned him..

I don't want to live my life in a flock that holds me back.
I want to live in one that encourages me, that wants the best
for me but that is able to let me go and let me experience
things in my time and the place I choose. I am so grateful
for my parents, my family, my flock. I am sooo blessed to
call them mine! They are letting me fly, they are giving me
a kind of freedom that i never felt before. Despite the
sadness this will bring they are letting me be me.. On
this journey of finding myself they are encouraging me
and even if I fail, they will be the first to pick me back
up (along with some friends of mine;)).
I thank God every day for them, I cant believe how lucky I
am to be their daughter...

I hope there are more people out there, who don't let
life slip by them..
Life is precious, we need to enjoy every second of it..
We have to squeeze all the juice out of it and take it in...

Splish, Splash...

I'm done taking a bath....

This could be your son.....

I wish everyone would think before acting. This is totally worth watching. I got all teared up seeing people stand up for him!!

blurry...

....but I still love it!!


Totally off-topic: there is a construction site right IN FRONT of my window!! How on earth am I supposed to work like this?